Thursday, September 27, 2012
Kid Stuff - Comments on the History of Children's Literature
It appears that the "Tom Swift" and "Wizard of Oz" books - popular with kids for most of the last century - are finally to be replaced by "Harry Potter.".The fourth volume of the Harry Potter series went on sale at bookstores throughout the country during midnight parties -- excitement not seen since the Pet Rock craze a decade ago.Titled "The Goblet of Fire," the latest book by British author J.K.(Joanne Kathleen) Rowling promises - or threatens -- to prolong indefinitely the Potter series for the generation coming on line.Some parents are uneasy about the new sub-literary fad.It features a supernatural kid who hobnobs with sorcerers and witches.Hey, they're reading instead of watching the same stuff on teevee.All kids go through the make-believe stage, and some of us never outgrow it.Ms.Rowling insists she makes up her stories simply to entertain children and make a living for herself and daughter.However, deep thinkers profess to see hidden allegories in her works that criticize the political and social life of our times.Her emphasis on wishful events seems to bear out contemporary yearning for magic solutions conjured by 12-year-old Harry Potter to deal with his travails.Whatever.The technique is rooted in ancient literature such as "Aesop's Fables" and "Mother Goose Rhymes.".More than 600 fables related by a Greek slave in 550 B.C.Was intended to impress social verities on children through talking animals.As an 11-year-old, I discovered Aesop's wisdom in a library book.I have never forgotten his account of the hunt by a lion, fox, jackal and wolf.The four hunters brought down a stag and then discussed how to divide it."Quarter this stag," roared the lion.Accordingly, the other hunters skinned it and cut the meat into four equal parts.With this, the lion pronounced judgment.."The first quarter is for me in my capacity as King of Beasts.The second is mine as arbiter, and another share comes to me for my part in the chase.As for the fourth quarter, I should like to see which of you will dare to try and take it from me," growled the Lion."Humph," grumbled the Fox as walked away with his tail between his legs, "You may share labors of the great, but you will not share the rewards.".Still, today, I shake my head a little when someone ascribes the largest share of anything as that due the lion.The lion's portion, stated ironically by Aesop, is not a share at all, but everything.This fable is a realistic lesson to be learned at an early age.It describes both social and political greed to guard against throughout life.* * *.The same dual purpose inspired the hundreds of Mother Goose rhymes.In medieval England, criticism of kings, nobles and other authorities could cost your life.Consequently, jibes at government were couched as ditties for children.Consider this rhyme..Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.All the king's horses,.And all the king's men,.Couldn't put Humpty together again.The term humpty-dumpty was commonly used in England to describe someone stupid or muddle-headed.In the rhyme it refers to King Richard III at the battle of Bosworth Field in 1485.Richard was resisting a rebellion by Henry Tudor.In the battle, King Richard fell from his war-horse named Wall.He was surrounded by enemy soldiers and hacked to pieces.He was the last of the York kings and the last king to die on a battlefield.Books For Kids.After the American Civil War, the invention of cheap "sulfited" paper pulp sparked a revolution in publishing.Newspapers expanded."Dime novels" became popular.Public schools were extended to the high-school level.Children had knowledge and desire to read for pleasure.The old custom of veiling politics with kid-appeal was an easy approach for publishers and writers.Regular patrons of this column may remember the recent account of Joel Chandler's "Uncle Remus" series.Those charming tales of talking animals by an editorial writer for the Atlanta Constitution were aimed at "children of all ages." The objective was to entertain - while portraying former slaves as wise and dutiful citizens.An outstanding example of hiding a social message within a fairy tale is the "Wonderful Wizard of Oz" published in 1900.The author was Lyman Frank Baum, editor of the weekly newspaper at Aberdeen, South Dakota.When it failed in 1891 during the prolonged collapse of crop prices he moved his family to Chicago.There he wrote for various newspapers.He also participated actively in the Populist (Silver Coinage) Movement and the presidential campaigns of Sen.William Jennings Bryan.He also wrote his first book "Mother Goose In Prose" in 1897.Interestingly he employed the fantasy/reality techniques of Aesop Fables, Mother Goose, and Lewis Carroll's "Alice In Wonderland" which preceded him.Baum's first venture into fantasy was not widely circulated but reviewed favorably enough to encourage him to write his first Oz book.It was an instant bestseller, which he turned into a theatrical play the following year.His ambition was to act and write for the theater.Nevertheless, the response to "Wonderful Wizard" was so great he consented to write a sequel titled "The Marvelous Land of Oz.".Before he died in 1919, Baum wrote 14 Oz books.Thereafter, Ruth Plumly Thompson and other ghostwriters authored 26 additional volumes until the series was concluded in 1963.Baum stoutly maintained that the original Oz had no sociopolitical inferences.Yet, the story and its characters so ably reflected the turbulent times that the comparison is compelling.Oz is the abbreviation for ounce, the standard measure for gold.The yellow brick road is composed of gold ingots that lead only to a field of opium poppies and drugged sleep.The Emerald City is the store of "green-back" paper money backed by silver as well as gold.The Tin Woodman, represents the industrial worker made heartless by factory owners and left to rust when his labor was no longer needed.The Scarecrow is the farmer with not enough brains to support Sen.Bryan's reforms.The Cowardly Lion is Sen.Bryan who roars a lot but is afraid to bite.The Wicked Witch of the East represents New York City financiers and bankers who enslave little people called Munchkins.The Good Witch of the West portrays people in the heartland of America.The Wizard is supposed to be President William McKinley who conceals his deceptions with smoke, mirrors and phony proclamations.Dorothy's magical silver shoes (changed to red in the ever-popular color movie) had the power to grant her wish to go home once she acknowledged the value of family and farm.If Baum did not intentionally weave these symbols into his first Oz book, he subconsciously reflected his time and place - after all, the genius of good writing.* * *.My favorite books as a youngster were those in the "Tom Swift" series which began in 1910 and continue popular today.There was not a speck of politics in them, but they were progenitor of science fiction.Tom, "the boy inventor," built contraptions that were just in the discovery stage at the turn of the century.In several instances, the authors of Tom Swift books anticipated science.Such subject matter reflected the fascination of kids - particularly boys - with the gee-whiz technology of that time.Then it was such things as motorcycles, speedboats, automobiles, planes, submarines, radios, and super cannons.These things are ordinary today.Kids now are titillated by witches, giants, monsters, demons, magicians, terminating-killers, space ships and assorted planetary aliens.All are served up by computer games, videos, television and special effect movies.The genre of series books for children -- with the same, central character -- was the brainchild of a publisher named Edward Stratemeyer.He started the Stratemeyer Syndicate of ghostwriters to churn out endless books about characters and situations he dreamed up.Among his creations was the Bobbsey Twins, Hardy Boys, and Nancy Drew.The big money maker, though, was Tom Swift.Most of the first 38 volumes were written by Howard Garis, Stratemeyer's best friend, under the pseudonym Victor Appleton.The books have come to be known as the Tom Swift Senior series.Since then, other publishers bought the name rights.They continued to produce Swift Junior books with ghost writers and adventure topics until "Death Quake," the last one, in 1993.The 99 Tom Swift series is the largest total, and longest running, of all time simply because it tapped the interest of kids in exciting things which might be.Ms.Rowling is simply following a well-tested format.I wish I had thought of it.July 16, 2000.
Timing is Everything - Delivering on Comedy
There is a generation gap that is developing between me and the young people whom I direct.While they are smart, much smarter than I am, or was, or will be, and while they have a vast knowledge of music, including 'classics' that I am very familiar with, we have a big gulf in communication when it comes to what is funny.I read an interview of Martin Short last week.He said that comedy is generational, and that it has to be.Maybe that is true.But how do you explain comic timing to someone who has never seen the old shows that you grew up on? How do you train actors in the history of theatre when they don't even know the recent history of film and television?My generation had the 'benefit' of less affluent television stations.They could not pay for new movies.We got black and white movies from the stone ages.You know, movies starring Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, or the Keystone Cops.The Little Rascals was a primer for comedy.Teaching comedic timing is very difficult, but watching it is easy - if you get good comedy.Just as we watch dramatic actors and learn their techniques and methods, we need to be sitting our kids in front of some of the solid comic actors that have come and gone, and learn their lessons.Try some Laurel and Hardy or Three Stooges, some Carol Burnett or Lucille Ball, some Jackie Gleason, some Jack Benny, some W.C.Fields and Mae West, some Groucho Marx and his brothers.Didn't they teach us that funny stuff happens in three beats? Didn't we learn from them that if your inflection rises during a line, and you put a beat before the next word, then it's funny?Mae West's, "Come on up and .See me sometime.".Don Adams had brilliant delivery in Get Smart, "Aand.Llloving it.".Bugs Bunny, "Ehhhhnnnn.What's up, Doc?".Can you imagine those lines without the build?Comedy is slow.Anticipation is the most delicious aspect of it.Lucille Ball eating chocolates off of an assembly line is one of the most famous moments of television.The thing that made that a brilliant comedic piece instead of a disgusting show of gluttony or an alarming pathetic tragedy is all in the timing.Compare that to 'Just for Laughs. Gags' and tell me that things have not slid in a downward spiral on the small screen.More recently (although not yesterday!) Ellen Degeneres and Tea Leone also are excellent comic actors.Bob Newhart.I am trying to name people who are not profane or inappropriate for young people in hopes that they will get seen by actors who can benefit from a good laugh and an entertaining lesson.Too often, shocking behaviour, creative use of foul language and zany antics are accepted as comedy.There is a pleasant way to learn about comedy.Be a consumer of the 'good stuff'.Treat your family to some vintage films and watch the masters at work.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Best 2009 USA High School Track & Field Performances Feature 10 New Records - Part 1
Ten new records were set this season when the automatic timers finally stopped and the best 2009 USA high school track and field competitive performances were in the books.The only double record-setter was not an individual, but the Track East Carolina relay team made up of New Bern High School sprinters from Raleigh (NC).Their 3.19.58 effort in the 1,600 sprint medley relay swept away the old mark of 3.21.1 with Fuquawn Greene's 21.5 and Miles Sparks' 21.8 in the 200, Andrew Hendrix's 46.6 in the 400 and brother Anthony Hendrix's 1.49.7 in the 800.Track East Carolina also set the 800 sprint medley relay record with a 1.28.20 clocking that erased the old mark of 1.28.43.The absolute dominance of the Track East Carolina team was shown as they also ran the nation's fastest times in the 4x200 relay and the 4x400 relay.Albemarle High School's 4x800 relay team also got into the act by setting a new standard of 7.30.67, wiping out the old mark of 7.32.89.Albemarle's 800 runners were fast and deep-Garrett Bradley went 1.55.43, Zach Vrhovac 1.50.57, Luke Noble 1.55.34 and Anthony Kostelac 1.49.33.The other 7 new USA high school records were set by Reggie Wyatt in the 300 hurdles (35.02), Marquise Goodwin in the long jump (26-10), Mason Finley in the discus (236-06), Curtis Beach in the decathlon (7,466), Shelby Greany in the 2,000 steeplechase (6.33.7), Toni Young in the high jump (6-04), and Anna Jelmini in the discus (190-03).Last year the two dominant athletes were German Fernandez and Jordan Hasay.Fernandez set new records in the 3,000 and 3,200 and led all comers in the 1,500, 1,600 and mile.Hasay set a new record in the 1,500 and led all comers in the 3,000, 3,200 and 2 mile.This year college recruiters saw more quality athletes emerge.Among of the boys were Andrew Springer who led everyone in the 1,500, 1,600 and mile; Trevor Dunbar who was first in the 3,000 and 2 mile; Lucas Verzbickas, a freshman who led the 3,200 and 2 mile; and Marquise Goodwin in the long jump.Among the girls were Chelsey Sveinsson, a sophomore who led the nation in the 3,000 and 2 mile; Kori Carter who swept the 100 and 300 hurdles; and Ciarra Brewer, a sophomore in the triple jump.Two of last year's outstanding graduates-German Fernandez and Christine Babcock-continued to perform at a national caliber level as college freshmen.Fernandez went to Oklahoma State and promptly became the NCAA Division 1 champion in the 1,500, running 3.39.00 compared to his high school best of 3.44.8.Babcock went to the University of Washington and, combined with incoming freshman and Canadian junior national cross-country champion Kendra Schaaf, led the Huskies to their first ever NCAA Division 1 Cross-Country Championship.Babcock finished 5th in 20.02 in team competition at the 2008 NCAA Championship meet and Schaaf finished 9th.Babcock ran 4.33.82 last year to set the new national high school record for the 1600-meter run and clocked 4.35.41 in the mile, the 2nd best high school time ever (the national record is 4.35.24).Here are the current United States high school track and field records through 2008 followed by the best performances by high school competitors during 2009..USA Boys High School Track and Field Records and Best 2009 Performances..100 Meters. - 10.01 - 10.30 by Randall Carroll of Cathedral High School in Los Angeles (CA).200 - 20.13 - 20.58 by Dentarius Locke of Chamberlain HS in Tampa (FL).400 - 44.69 - 45.48 by Tavaris Tate of Starkville (MS) HS.Other elite prep sprinters include Andre Carter, Kenneth Gilstrap, Prezel Hardy, Blake Heriot, Qunicy McDuffie, Ryan Milus and Clayton Parros.800 - 1.46.45 - 1.48.66 by Robby Andrews of Manalapan (NJ) HS.1,500 - 3.38.26 - 3.45.46 by Andrew Springer of Westerly (RI) HS.1,600 - 3.53.43 - 4.01.06 by Andrew Springer of Westerly (RI) HS.Mile - 3.53.43 - 4.02.70 by Andrew Springer of Westerly (RI) HS.3,000 - 7.59.83 - 8.14.11 by Trevor Dunbar of Kodiak (AK) HS.3,200 - 8.36.30 - 8.50.70 by Lucas Verzbickas of Lincoln-Way Central HS in New Lenox (IL).2 Mile - 8.34.40 - 8.49.79 by Trevor Dunbar of Kodiak (AK) HS.Other elite prep distance runners include Mac Fleet, Elijah Greer, Patrick McGregor, Zachary Mellon, Chris Stogsdill and Zachary Wills.2,000 Steeplechase - 5.43.90 - 5.53.13 by Alex Dier of Honeoye Falls (NY) HS.3,000 Steeplechase - 8.50.01 - 9.09.97 by Joe Whelen of Hamburg (NY) HS.5,000 - 13.37.91 - 14.18.42 by Lucas Verzbickas of Lincoln-Way Central HS in New Lenox (IL).10,000 - 28.32.7 - 31.18.13 by Parker Stinson of Cedar Park (TX) HS.110 Hurdles - 13.30 - 13.31 by Wayne Davis of Southeast HS in Raleigh (NC).300 Hurdles - 35.28 - 35.02 by Reggie Wyatt of La Sierra HS in Riverside (CA).New USA High School Record.400 Hurdles - 49.38 - 49.78 by Reggie Wyatt of La Sierra HS in Riverside (CA).Other elite prep hurdlers include Kelby Dias, Kendall Hayes, Camern LaCour, Dale Morgan, Cody Riggs, Jordan Rispress, Tyler Stephenson and Neamen Wise.4x100 Relay - 39.76 - 40.54 by Monsignor Pace HS in Miami (FL).4x200 Relay - 1.23.31 - 1.24.80 by Track East Carolina of New Bern (NC) HS.4x400 Relay - 3.07.40 - 3.08.05 by Track East Carolina of New Bern (NC) HS.4x800 Relay - 7.32.89 - 7.30.67 by Albemarle HS of Charlottesville (VA).New USA High School Record.4x1 Mile Relay - 17.06.06 - 17.17.21 by The Woodlands (TX) HS.800 Sprint Medley Relay - 1.28.43 - 1.28.20 by Track East Carolina of New Bern (NC) HS.New USA High School Record.1,600 Sprint Medley Relay - 3.21.10 - 3.19.58 by Track East Carolina of New Bern (NC) HS.New USA High School Record.4,000 Distance Medley Relay - 9.49.78 - 9.55.17 by The Woodlands (TX) HS.High Jump - 7-07 - 7-05.75 by James White of Grandview (MO) HS.Pole Vault - 18-03 - 18-00.25 by Jack Whitt of Norman North HS in Norman (OK).Long Jump - 26-09.25 - 26-10 by Marquise Goodwin of Rowlett (TX) HS.New USA High School Record.Triple Jump - 54-10.25 - 52-06.25 by Bryce Lamb of Chandler (AZ) HS.Other elite prep jumpers include Chase Cooper, Damar Forbes, Ricardo Jaquite, Erik Kynard, Ricky Robertson and Hammed Suleman.Shot Put - 81-03.50 - 72-08 by Nick Vena of Morristown (NJ) HS.Discus - 234-03 - 236-06 by Mason Finley of Buena Vista (CO) HS.New USA High School Record.Javelin - 241-11 - 239-00 by Sam Crouser of Gresham (OR) HS.Hammer - 260-00 - 256-09 by Conor McCullough of Chaminade HS in West Hills (CA).Other elite prep throwers include Hayden Baillio, Devin Bogert, Matt Kosecki, Stephen Saenz, Justin Shirk and Cameron Tabor.Decathlon - 7,359 - 7,466 by Curtis Beach of Academy HS in Albuquerque (NM).New USA High School Record Using International Implements and Hurdles.(This is Part 1 of a 2-Part Series.).Copyright © 2009 Ed Bagley.
The Worst Mistakes to Avoid in Getting Started With Saltwater Aquariums and What to Do About It
If you make these most common mistakes in getting started with your saltwater aquarium, it can be overwhelming, confusing, frustrating, and costly.So now I am going to reveal the most common worst mistakes people make and what to do instead.Mistake #1 - Learning from too many different sources at once - When we are excited about something new, we often seek out information wherever we can find it.You might be getting your information from aquarium reference books and aquarium related magazines, going to on-line forums, attending aquarium hobby club meetings, and then there is also the local fish store - and this goes on.The challenge here is that there are an unlimited number of different ways to do an aquarium well.So which one do you pick? And this is where people get themselves in trouble.Many of these difference sources will have differing opinions that contradict or disagree with one another, which can be very frustrating, confusing and lead to overwhelm, or worse, and can cause you to make horribly frustrating and costly mistakes with your tank.Solution. Start with one expert, who has proof that they know what they are talking about, and who you know, like, and trust.Learn their way of doing things and get some experience and success under your belt.And then (only then), is it time to start experimenting with what "other people" say.Mistake #2 - Using every method and piece of equipment you find - I once went to a famous public aquarium whose reef tank had an algae scrubber, a protein skimmer, an artificial fiberglass background, and D.E.Filter (diatomacious earth), ozone, and on and on it went.They had multiple different kinds of filtration equipment installed all over the system, and many of them were making one another ineffective.Solution. Pick a method and stick to it.Each method of reef keeping (for example) has different equipment that go with it.Resist the temptation to buying into the myth that you need every new gizmo gadget filter that comes along.Not only do some filtration components not go together, but those that do often need to be used in a certain sequence.So pick a method and its related equipment and stick to it.Mistake #3 - Using the right filtration components in the wrong way or wrong configuration - Often is the case that hobbyists will get a new piece of equipment that is well designed and well made and then they install it in the wrong way or in the wrong place on their system.For example, if you are using a mechanical canister filter on a fish-only tank with live rock, you do not want to put it on the same pump loop with the protein skimmer.As the mechanical filter does its job and gets clogged, it will reduce flow and cause back pressure and thus may change the flow rate being sent to the skimmer.A much better place to put the mechanical filter canister is on its own dedicated pump loop recirculating directly on the display tank.Solution. Learn how and where to apply or install equipment before you buy it.Mistake #4 - Being in a rush to add fish to your new tank - This one is completely understandable, and boy does it cause problems.The fact is that your tank needs a complete and cycled bacterial population in the biological filter in order to handle the waste that fish create.Otherwise the waste the fish create will make them sick or even die.The old school way of cycling a tank is of course no longer necessary.The way it used to be done, "disposable" or "cheap" or "hardy" fish were actually used to cycle the tank, to create this necessary bacteria population in the biological filter.This meant wasting money on fish you do not necessarily want, let alone sacrificing fish.Today, the best way of cycling a tank is to kick start your biological filter with either live bacteria cultures you can purchase, or by adding live sand or biological filter media from an existing and well established tank.Solution. Cycle your tank quickly with live bacteria cultures you can buy, or with sand or biological media from an existing and well established tank.And, no matter how well you cycle your tank, there are always limits on how quickly you can add new fish to your tank.
The Hardy Boys Books Where To Buy The Hardy Boys Mysteries, 1927-1979: A Cultural And Literary History
The Hardy Boys Books See The Hardy Boys Mysteries, 1927-1979: A Cultural and Literary History Details
Product Description
In its 80+ years, the Hardy Boys series has sold more than 50 million books in 25 or more languages, and has inspired five television series and many stage plays, websites, comic books, graphic novels and computer games. The series has shaped the way millions of American children see themselves and society, and has shaped the perceptions of America held by young people around the world. This book follows the creation and development of the series through 1979. Topics include the writing of Stratemeyer and McFarlane; the so-called "weird period"; the Cold War and the disco age; race, class and gender; family values; and law and order. Illustrations, bibliography, appendices and index.
A Journey Into the Never Ending World of Books
A journey into the never-ending world of books.I stumbled upon books two decades ago at a leading bookstore on the Mount road, Chennai.My quest on books for competitive exams, instead, slowly started my journey into the unfathomable world of English literature.Having read only a handful of novels till then and introduced to hundreds of titles five years back while equipping myself with general knowledge for my professional courses interview, it was almost like my ending up in a dream world.To me, book titles always held a charm.Like a solitary tree on a barren plain or an unforgettable melody.Seeing the titles that often lingered in my mind for the past five years in an unending array on the shelves slowly led me into a wonderland of different genres to amuse my different frames of mind.A novel is a funny or dramatic world comfortably put between covers.A novel presents the reader (and more often than not the novelist too) a vicarious world, which he could not live in in practice.The world introduced to by a fine book would live in one's memory for the rest of his or her life.No doubt, a good novel introduces one to characters that end up intimate, long-standing relationships with the reader than with their real life kindreds.Shakespeare suggested through his ever-famous Juliet, 'what is in a name? That which we will call a rose by any other word would smell as sweet'.But except the immortal writers whose works smell as sweet no matter whether they carry a title at all, which makes the confident publisher highlight the author's name more than the title itself on the cover page, a book has to woo an occasional browser and spur his interest on it.Book titles often narrate the stories themselves - like 'To Kill a Mocking Bird,' 'East of Eden,' 'Gone With The Wind,' 'The Thorn Birds,' 'How Green Was My Valley' etc., Some titles are enthusing inasmuch as to make the reader wonder at what makes 'The House on the Strand' unique or what mysteries are hidden in 'The Shrouded Walls.'.The cover portraits also have their say.A vast landscape that arises the reader's interest and imagination or a portrait of a character with a facial expression that speaks volumes encourages the browser's interest on the book if the author is quite unknown.Blurbs on back cover of books come in handy to selectors whether it is worth a while to give the book a try or not.But what if the publisher intends to over estimate his publication by a catchy recommendation? Nevertheless, books carrying laurels of prominent publishers and novelists will never let one down.Like a good start that is imperative to a sprinter, a fine beginning would keep a writer in good stead.Who can forget Thomas Hardy's description about farmer Oak in 'Far From the Madding Crowd' or for that matter the circumstances leading Philip to be known in the county as Pip, Charles Dickens central character in 'The Great Expectations?'.Interestingly bookworms with an unquenchable thirst for the printed word identify each other while keenly surveying the corners of dusty bookshelves.Years back when I was cravingly flipping titles in a book shop, a foreign tourist identified my appetite for a good book and recommended me a bulky volume that famously starts as 'The Small Boys Were Early for the Hanging.' Ever since I completed the epic titled 'The pillars of the earth' that ran into a thousand plus pages, I have been longing for a sequel.Fortunately, Ken Folett fulfilled my yearning through his second volume 'THe World Without End.' A sequel by the author himself would do justice to the original masterpiece and it was proven once again.Publishers could save weak hearts by appending the blurb with few words of caution.Rohinton Mistry's 'A Fine Balance' gave me a traumatic night filled with nightmares after finishing it in a late night.I later recommend the book to a few friends with a due warning never to read the last few pages of the novel alone late into the night before calling it a day (or night).As one attires different outfits for different occasions, books too are occasion-specific.To beat the boredom of either seeing the parched country landscape or having to get along with strange and loquacious co-passengers during a long train journey, thrillers plaited with anxiety and hair-raising adventures would be of great service.The tribe of authors who can make a journey fascinating goes endless with authors like Wilbur Smith, Dan Brown, John Grisham, Robin Cook, Frederick Forsyth, Robert Ludlum etc., While convalescing from an illness, a romantic hit with diverse genres ranging from the Elizabethan drama 'Jane Eyre' to the voluminous 'The Far Pavilion' will help one keep his cool.A Nora Roberts or Danielle Steel title would cheer up young minds during a recession and so on.Though virtual online shops have come up today with an assortment of books, nothing can match the thrill of finding a long-craved title after hours of fumbling about crowded bookshelves in a store.The most thrilling moment in my life is finding a long-pursued book, mostly a single copy, humbly bedecking the corner of a shelf, unwanted by the busy shoppers.I cannot imagine of anything but books that sells like hot cakes without advertisement in today's consumer market.For good books the word of mouth is more powerful than millions of rupees that might be required for a colorful promotion campaigning.
To Text Or Not to Text - That is the Question
Leading nicely on from my last piece about how to "tool up" to communicate properly in your relationship, I find myself compelled to mention the wonderful world of non-verbal communication, in particular, texting.Daily life seems to cocoon us more and more within the world of laptops and virtual relationships with others and as well as the plethora of benefits in terms of connecting us with ever larger circles of people, it can, in intimate relationships, kill some of the essence of good old fashioned face to face dialogue.Now I am not saying texting is bad because indeed it has its benefits.For example, sending a sweet nothing to your loved one as they journey through their day, just to show you care, is lovely.Or to wish them luck when they are just about to head into an interview.It saves money on a phone call and sometimes for a quick word or two, it's not necessary to speak.I guess I just want to explore and share my thoughts on using texting to communicate when you really do need to talk.I have been guilty, if I can call it that, of trying to get my point across when I was peed off about something in my previous relationships.My intention? To tell him how I feel and then shut him out because I need to run away for a while! My defence plan "You are gonna know how I feel, but you are gonna have to run after me to fix it!" Crazy huh! But that's me.Think about how you use texting when you want to say something but are and this is the point, afraid to speak the words.I have learnt about two styles of behaving in conflict in relationships.I will call these two folk, minimisers and maximisers for the purpose of illustration.Maximisers in conflict are usually the more emotionally flowery people who want to talk about everything to sort problems out and they only feel connected when their partner listens and hears them.Maximisers can be overbearing and intense and sometimes can scare their partners with huge outbursts of emotional lava.Texting trends tend to be "hot pursuit" style.A new client said of his girlfriend recently, "She freaks me out sometimes and literally stalks me on text! I feel trapped and pretty intimidated and can't escape, so I shut her out to get some peace." This is classic!The opposite style, minimising, is when in conflict, that person's style is to shut down and not talk about what's bothering them in the moment.They believe they are the logical rational ones that never start the rows and they feel they are often the more mature partner in the relationship.Their texting style is often short and sweet and boy, lots of minimisers use texting to keep their maximising partner, at bay.I have a friend who loves texting when her man "starts" cause she can tell him how she feels then turn the phone off to control his octopus style clinging.Sounding familiar? So in this way texting can nurture your tendency in conflict to remain where you are in your style of learned behaviour i.E.Maximising or minimising.My main point is that texting in conflict will usually inflame rather than smooth, because we can so easily take the words the wrong way.I will agree that sometimes a quick text to say "darling, I feel a little emotional about what you said earlier, can we talk later?" is ok, because it is stating how you feel rather than chucking a great big hang grenade criticism.But remember with texting, it is the words you use that can aggravate or smooth.So if you feel utterly compelled to text.Explain how you feel, NOT what your beau is doing to pee you off.Blaming and shaming never works and on text it's a very detached way of putting your point across.I had an emotionally intense relationship 3 years ago, where most of my more difficult conversations were on text because I felt afraid of his response.I can't talk for his feelings about it, but it was almost like I couldn't face him for fear that he would leave me at some point.I used to get really upset if he blocked me out and shut down when he was angry, so I would "fire" a text to try and wound him in his rabbit hole, then I would shut down and retreat hoping and praying he would come get me and make it better.Oh what a survival strategy!Let me go on to use an analogy here.Your world of you, is like an island.On your island, with all your thoughts and feelings and the way you see life, your partner cannot possibly know exactly where you are at because they are on their own island.When you send a text, imagine if you will that it is a flare, it lands on their island and can and will be received with their views and feelings and opinions about what the message is that you have sent.Not how you originally intended.Get me? The only way to really hear your partner or for them to hear you, is to visit the other's island and be fully present with them, leaving your island behind.This is what I teach in my work.Good old fashioned, heart centred connection where verbal communication, face to face, is the only true way to achieve a healthy conscious relational space.So often texting can be muddled in its "received" mode.Taking it the wrong way is common.How many times have you got it wrong when someone has texted you and how many times did your receiver take it the "wrong" way from you? Easy to do.Our previous experiences create a filtering system in our minds and certain words or messages will be absorbed, filtered and according to your values and beliefs you will react according to what your resulting "output" is.Having a conversation with your partner can ease the ability to take it the way to choose, rather than the way they meant it.Our stories about what we think is coming from our partner can be way off the mark, so please, if you to need to say something delicate, say it don't text it.It saves a lot of hassle in the long run!Finally.The next time, as you start to send a text to your loved one in a bad moment, perhaps after a row or even before one, stop and think a little.Does your relationship deserve to have you contributing in this way or would it be better to tell your loved one face to face how you feel about what is happening?Enjoy texting for the fun of it.Leave the tougher bits to the bravery of talking.Go on.You can do it!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Marriage Under Scrutiny - A Review of Jude The Obscure by Thomas Hardy
In the postscript to the preface of Jude The Obscure, Thomas Hardy quotes a German reviewer of the novel.Sue Bridehead, the heroine, was described there as "the first delineation in fiction of the woman.Of the feminist movement - the slight pale 'bachelor' girl - the intellectualised, emancipated bundle of nerves" that modern conditions were producing.The book's reception 'cured' Hardy of the desire to write another novel, and all of the above happened before the dawn of the twentieth century.Jude The Obscure is a novel about relationships within marriage.Hardy's opinion was that legal ties between men and women ought to be breakable once the union had achieved dysfunction.It was an opinion that differed from that expected by the age.It prompted a bishop to burn the book, rather than the writer, who was unavailable at the time.Thomas Hardy's Jude Fawley was adopted into a baker's family, and harboured an ambition to self-teach himself into a classical education in Christminster's learned colleges.His schoolmaster, Mr Phillotson helped a little.Jude's ambition was always somewhat far fetched, though he applied himself diligently to his studies and achieved a great deal.In his formative years, he also learned the stonemason's trade to allow the earning of a living.On a country walk he then took up with Arabella, the daughter of a pig farmer.Having found himself stuck, he tried to learn how to stick real pigs but somehow the penetration never came easy.The couple parted, apparently childless.Sue, Jude's cousin and thus a co-member of a family reputed for its marital failures, was always a soul mate for the young man.But she never quite seemed up to the task of giving herself, giving of her self.Thus, when she married Phillotson, the much older, staid and perhaps already failed schoolmaster, his lack of demands on her fit exactly with her assumptions about how married life would progress.Sue certainly knew what she wanted from life and did everything in her power to secure it.Safety, security, respectability, perhaps property were top of her list.Arabella, the pig farming barmaid who lured the nave Jude, was similarly single-minded in pursuing her own, rather different interests.After leaving Jude, she takes up with a new man and hops it to Australia, apparently for good.Sue and Phillotson finally dissolve their marriage by mutual consent to allow Sue to pursue her desires.She and Jude, who love one another dearly, then make their lives together.They do not marry.They live as brother and sister, with lust on one side of the bed and revulsion on the other.A child arrives by train.The wizened-looking boy is Jude's, Arabella claiming she was pregnant before the couple separated.Sue and Jude offer a home for the waif, and then two more whose family fortunes have fallen on bad times.And then tragedy appears.Their world falls apart.Sue craves the responsibility of marriage, perhaps merely for the respectability she has lost, so she returns to a new marriage with Phillotson.As before, it's just for the show of it.Jude develops consumption.What happens in Jude The Obscure is the meat of the book.How it happens is less important than how the characters justify their actions, effectively their reactions to what life offers in response to their imagined aspirations.How these people seek to justify themselves tells much of what they think is expected of them by others, by the society at large.Thus the novel appears to be a study - even a treatise - in selfishness melded with self-obsession, but this is always shrouded in a coded justification that cites the need for social, societal, even sanctified heavenly approval.In many ways, Jude The Obscure's men are its victims, its women coldly triumphant, its tone vaguely misogynist.It has little time for the establishment, which is often portrayed as a conspiracy to promote misery.Christminster, Oxford in other words, is thought of as a great centre of high and fearless thought.But in reality it is "a nest of commonplace schoolmasters whose characteristic is timid obsequiousness to tradition." The alternative, self-congratulatory selfishness did not appear to be much better.Thus Jude The Obscure has much to say about our own time, about public virtue and the need to live according to the socially expected.
What is a Ghostwriter?
Do you believe in ghosts?They are mostly unseen.Unnoticeable.And believe it or not they are moving behind the scenes in the publishing industry.If you're lucky you might catch a fleeting glimpse.They are officially called 'ghostwriters'.A ghostwriter is a writer who writes on an assigned topic under someone else's name, with their consent.They often write books completely from scratch but sometimes their work involves rewriting or polishing an existing work.Most books by famous personalities are actually written by ghostwriters.When you see an autobiography or memoir from a politician, businessperson, or celebrity, chances are that it has been written by a ghostwriter.Here are a few examples.The autobiography "Ronald Reagan. An American Life" was ghosted by Robert Lindsey."Learning to Sing", the autobiography of American Idol star Clay Aiken, was written with ghostwriter Allison Glock.The autobiographies of Doris Day and Sophie Loren were written by A.E.Hotchner.So how popular is ghostwriting? Statistics are hard to come by since many people don't want to reveal that their book is ghosted.Some industry estimates suggest that up to fifty percent of all non-fiction books are ghostwritten.A client may decide to hire a ghostwriter because the client does not have any writing talent or because they are too busy.Ghostwriters, for their part, are usually well-established writers already, and are selected on that basis.What do Ghostwriters Write?Ghostwriters are hired to write many types of documents, from autobiographies for famous personalities to e-books for internet marketing gurus, and even letters for politicians.They also write fiction.Sometimes it is for a series of books written by several ghostwriters under one name, as with the stories of Nancy Drew or The Hardy Boys.Ghostwriters also continue to write novels under the name of popular authors who have died, as in the case of Robert Ludlum.Is Ghostwriting Ethical?Although ghostwriting is a widely accepted practice within the publishing industry, some people outside of the industry complain that ghostwriting is deceptive.But that is not necessarily true.Consider for a moment the ghostwriting process.The client is the author of the work in that they are the person who is really behind the content.It is the client's ideas, the client's stories and experiences.It is the client's words recorded on hours of interview tapes.The ghostwriter is a professional consultant providing expertise in the area of bringing together all the information, organizing it, and writing it up in a way that will produce a marketable and readable masterpiece.What Skills does a Ghostwriter Need?A ghostwriter must be a good writer.He or she should also have good interviewing skills, since they will spend many hours and days interviewing clients.They should have the ability to ask good questions that will draw out the best aspects of a story.Another skill - which may need to be developed - is the ability to maintain the client's voice so that the book reads like the client, not the ghostwriter.How is a Ghostwriter Paid?Ghostwriters usually charge a flat fee for their work.Sometimes they will reduce their ghostwriting fee in return for a percentage (perhaps 25-50%) of the royalties, or in rare cases they may waive their fee in return for a percentage of royalties.The advantage of a flat fee is that a ghostwriter knows exactly how much he or she will be paid.The risk of relying on royalties is that even if the book is well-written, the ghostwriter has no control over the book's marketing and promotion.Does a Ghostwriter get Any Credit?More often than not, the public never knows that a book was ghostwritten.Sometimes ghostwriters are even legally bound to not reveal that they have ghosted a particular book.Occasionally ghostwriters will receive some credit.The writer's name may appear on the cover as a co-author or it might read "as told to Jenny Ghost." Another way to thank the ghostwriter is under the acknowledgements, for example ".And thanks to Joe Ghoul without whom this book would never have been completed".Are You Thinking of Becoming a Ghostwriter?It could be an excellent career move.You've probably heard it said that everyone has a book inside them.Well, the fact of the matter is that not everyone has the time or the skill to write it.As long as there is a story to be told, ghostwriters will continue to be in demand.
Conversation Secrets On How To Talk To Anyone About Anything
This very simple and easy to follow procedure will help you develop strong conversation skills with people you know and people you don't know.This skill is meant to help you build lasting connections with people and feel at ease while doing it regardless of your knowledge of the subject or topic.Proverbs 15.23- A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth. and a word spoken in due season, how good is it! .The secret, if there is one, lies in the quality of a good question.I'll explain in a moment, but first there is another factor that must be addressed.In order for this simple procedure to work, you must be comfortable with your own ignorance.You can't be intimidated by another's superior knowledge or expertise.To be ashamed or embarrassed of what you know or don't know will bleed through in your conversation.Except for some egomaniacs, people normally get embarrassed when others are embarrassed and that just makes the entire conversation awkward.For example, I do a lot of public speaking.If I mess up in what I say, the worst thing to do is become flustered, embarrassed, or ashamed.If I start to profusely apologize, my audience becomes embarrassed for me and will begin to become uncomfortable.I not only loose the audience, but I make it so that others wish they were elsewhere.Instead, if I crack a joke about the mess up and everyone laughs, the audience not only is pulled back to what I am saying but they are relieved to see that I am comfortable with my own mistakes.Your ignorance or awkwardness is not the problem with developing communication or social skills.It is how you come across to the other person.If you are at ease with your own lack or mistakes, you will invariably draw others to you.Now for the procedure.Again, the key lies within the quality of the questions you ask.Everybody on the planet has their topics which they have become passionate about.Asking good questions about other people and what they do or like to do is one of the easiest and simplest ways to engage someone in a meaningful conversation.Step #1 - Be Observant.This is important.When you meet people, notice what they wear, how they sit, their surroundings (especially if they were in control of the dcor) and any jewelry, or pictures.Even noticing if someone is sad, lonely, depressed, joyful, or happy is important.Picking up on another's mood could help you determine where or if you should engage them in a conversation.Try to pick up on the likes or dislikes of a person.For example, if you are eating with someone, notice what they order and what they specifically tell the waitress to withhold or add extra of.Step #2 - Ask Quality Questions about their Likes, Dislikes, Hobbies, and Ambitions.This is to find common ground.The right types of questions, even if you know nothing about the subject, will give you valuable insights into the mind and thinking of the person you are talking to.For example, questions about a person's career may lead to similar desires for a longer vacation and may lead you to realize you share a similar like for fishing.The conversation, from there, may center on your questions of his best fishing holes, favorite bait, and largest catch.Be aware that your questions hint at your design.Asking someone why he's a jerk may not be the best way to engage someone in a conversation.The right question, asked in genuine curiosity, is the easiest way to start a good conversation.For example, I met a guy who was a private detective.The only thing I know about PIs is the Hardy Boys series I read as a kid.So instead of skirting the subject, or asking ridiculous questions like, "You ever shoot someone?" I asked, "Do you find that line of work very intense?" His answer was yes and no.He then gave examples to prove his point.Nodding in understanding, I was then able to ask better questions about his job.We talked for a good hour and walked away feeling like we knew each other better.When your questions express your interest and curiosity in another person, you will normally get positive responses to your questions.Step #3 - Insert Similar Feelings or Emotions of Your Own into the Conversation.Using the PI example from step 2, I said, after his response to my first question, "I know exactly how you feel.My job as a pastor can be intense and at other times just plain grueling." His curiosity was piqued and he asked a question or two about my job.Soon we discovered that one of the things we both shared was our like for the variety our jobs offered every day.It is easy to hold a conversation once you have found common ground.Asking good questions and then adding your own similar thoughts into the conversation related to an area you understand, is one of the easiest ways to get to know someone.TYPES OF QUESTIONS TO ASK.Here is a short list of do's and don'ts for asking questions.Don'ts.Don't ask questions that will put the other person immediately on the defensive.An example is, "Did your mother pick that outfit out for you?" or, "Do you always talk like that?".Don't ask questions that are personal unless you know them really well or they have already brought you into their personal life.Don't ask questions about yourself.This could make people very uncomfortable.Examples would be, "Do you like me?" or, "Why doesn't anyone like me?" or, "I like football.Do you like football?" This last one makes it sound that if the person you ask doesn't like football then you won't like them.Don't ask demanding questions.For example, "Why won't you go with me?" or, "Aren't you going to help?" or, "Is there a reason for.?".Don't ask off the wall or unrelated questions.Don't ask a question just for the sake of saying something.It will come across that way and make the rest of the conversation awkward.Don't just disagree with someone's answer.Everyone is entitled to their opinion.Just ask questions.Do's.Learn to laugh at yourself.One of the best ways to put someone at ease is to respond with a personal antidote that puts yourself in a negative light.Making a joke of it, will cause people to realize that you are at ease with yourself.You will find that in many cases they will respond with their own antidote.Be careful about making it too personal-there is such a thing as too much and inappropriate information.Ask questions that show you are interested in who they are and what they do.Here is an example, "Is that a wedding ring? Awesome! How long have you been married? Really? Have any kids? Do you have any pictures of them?".Ask questions that lead to more specific questions.Using the example in the last point, if you would have started the conversation with, "Can I see some pictures of your children?" without first leading to it with obvious questions, you might get a weird look.Start out with what is obvious.Learn to ask for help or advice.Most people like to feel useful.If you are comfortable with your own ignorance and just want a bit of advice, ask.For example."Man, I know nothing about cars.But maybe you can tell me why it does this?" After you get your answer, you can ask, "Wow! Where did you learn all that?" The answer will tell you a lot about that person and help you with relating to him in some manner.Take the time to study the procedure and practice it.Again, if you mess up, make a joke about it.Soon you will be talking to anyone about anything.
Background On The Inventor And The Invention Of PODd Publishing For Self-Publishing Authors
I'm Bruce Batchelor, the guy credited with inventing on-demand book publishing, also called print-on-demand or POD publishing.That's the business process behind the services offered by AuthorHouse, BookSurge, Lulu, Xlibris, Spire, Agio Publishing House, Trafford and other 'author services' companies."Invent" is an odd term, since I didn't design any particular machine or gizmo, but rather I took existing devices and processes, and recognized how they could be combined into a viable business.That portion of the book industry now generates about $200 million per year in sales volume, and has enabled about 100,000 authors to be published since its inception back in the mid-1990s.Here's a bit of background to that invention .Probably just like you, I have had a lifelong love of books.From following along as my mother read to me as a toddler, through my pre-teen years captivated by the Biggles and Hardy Boys books, I was mightily impressed with the printed word.Then, while working on my high school's yearbook, I discovered that one could create books simply by being so bold as to typeset the words and pay a printer to make bound copies! After that, there was no stopping me.In the 1970s, I wrote, self-published and successfully marketed two bestselling books, doing so independent of any conventional publishing house, somewhat oblivious to how selling books was supposed to be so terribly difficult.The marketing for those two titles was so obvious and straightforward that I thought marketing for all books would be as simple.I no longer believe that!For the past 30 years, I've worked at editing, ghost-writing, publishing and marketing, sometimes with conventional publishing houses and more often assisting the self-publishing authors who bravely live on the fringes of the book industry.During these three decades, my wife Marsha and I also operated a communications consultancy.We created marketing programs for business, non-profit and government clients.We designed, typeset and pasted-up literally thousands of books, magazine issues, brochures, technical manuals, reports, newsletters and ad campaigns.Generally, I was involved in the writing and editing of each job to some extent and Marsha was the graphic designer.We won numerous awards - the most gratifying ones were for the effectiveness of campaigns, rather than prettiness.I've taught marketing at the college level, and also worked as a newspaper journalist and magazine editor.When writing work was scarce I worked as a surveyor, fisherman and parks patrolman.Going way back, I was a computer programmer/analyst, and earned an honors degree in pure mathematical problem-solving.In the mid-1970s, I lived in a log cabin in the Yukon, sometimes going on long winter camping trips with a team of sled dogs, and often just sitting and thinking.That eclectic background provided me with a unique vantage point in 1994 to foresee an amazing opportunity emerging from the convergence of certain technologies and trends.Print-on-Demand (POD) equipment + the Internet information super-highway + Internet search engines + credit cards + e-commerce + desktop publishing + email + Adobe PostScript(tm) + authors anxious to be published .I envisioned a book publishing service that would help independent (or 'indie') authors everywhere.It would conform with the conventional publishing industry by having ISBNs and copyright registration and library cataloging, yet it would be different in a very important way.It would conduct most of its business over the new Internet, and would use print-on-demand manufacturing to produce only as many books as needed.To keep costs to the absolute minimum, we would go one step beyond 'just-in-time' inventory to be totally 'on-demand', printing the books only after an order came in.Most people thought I was nuts.Within a year, Trafford Publishing had been formed in Victoria, BC, and we had our first paying clients.These were pioneering authors who were departing from the book industry's old distribution model (of having preprinted books sitting in warehouses and on bookstore shelves on a consignment basis), for the novel concept of promoting and selling books largely over the Internet.By 1996, Amazon.Com had begun to popularize the notion of buying books over the Internet.As well, Baker & Taylor, one of the USA's largest book distributors, had set up POD equipment to print back-list titles for publishing houses, calling their service Replica Books.Then Ingram Book, the USA's largest distributor, built a monster POD printing factory in Tennessee beside their largest warehouse, so POD books could flow into Ingram's distribution system and out to bookstores and online retailers.Initially called Lightning Print, this print service later became Lightning Source Inc.(LSI).Soon other companies opened and adopted Trafford's POD business model of serving independent authors. Xlibris, iUniverse, AuthorHouse and dozens of others.Now some newer publishing services, such as Lulu.Com and Blurb.Com, offer on-demand book printing without book trade distribution.During my 11 years as Trafford's founding publisher and CEO, it grew to become one of the world's most prolific publishing houses with more than 10,000 active titles from indie authors living in more than 100 countries.Currently, thanks to Trafford and similar POD publishing services, over 30,000 new authors are published every year.Now we authors are entering a wonderful new chapter in indie publishing, highlighted by ever-expanding distribution using eBook editions, audio books and truly global POD production.I call this coming phase the multiple long tails era and predict that greater awareness and availability of indie books will significantly boost the average number of copies authors sell, and quadruple the count of new indie titles by 2010.Helping authors realize their dreams is magical for me.In July of 2006, I left my leadership position at Trafford to return to working personally with authors, their manuscripts and those dreams.Once again, as we did before launching the POD revolution, my wife and I are operating a small publishing company - Agio Publishing House (www.Agiopublishing.Com).I feel very fortunate and privileged to be editing and advising creative people.I recently interviewed top executives in the largest POD author service companies and dozens of indie authors.The result is my new book, Book Marketing DeMystified [Agio, ISBN 978-1-897435-00-7].A big thank you to all the authors who embrace print-on-demand publishing and who continuously amaze the world with your writings and thoughts.
Monday, September 24, 2012
The History of the Mystery Book
I love reading Mysteries.They are written puzzles, searching through mazes to find the clues, assembling a full picture and discovering Who Did It!Mysteries, in one form or another, have been around since the time of the Ancient Greeks.As long as people are curious - mysteries will be with us.The First Published Mystery was written by Edgar Allan Poe in 1841 and to this day has remained one of his finest works "The Murders In The Rue Morgue".His main character was C.Auguste Dupin, who would appear in two other Poe works "The Mystery of Marie Roget" (1842) and "The Purloined Letter" (1844).At that time the term "Detective" had not been used and therefore Dupin was the First Detective.It has been suggested that Dupin could imply "duping" or "deception".With the creation of "The Murders in the Rue Morgue", other Authors became inspired to write books of this genre.One of the most famous authors being Sir Conan Doyle, creator of Sherlock Holmes.The 1920s ushered in such remarkable works as Agatha Christie's Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot.These books have been in print and enjoyed by millions ever since.The 20s also introduced the Nancy Drew series, The Hardy Boys and Ellery Queen.This was the beginning of the first Radio shows based on detectives.In the 1950s, mysteries had become so popular, that shows were created for television.Two of the most famous being Perry Mason and Alfred Hitchcock.During World War II, Hollywood created Film Noir.Short, dark movies loaded with dark corners and shadows.To this day, these films have a huge following.Mysteries usually fell into two categories. Open and Closed.An "Open" mystery is a story that shows the crime being committed.You know who did it and the reader follows the lead character as he or she unravels the chain of events to catch the villain.The Television series Columbo was an Open mystery.A "Closed" mystery is probably the more popular and most chosen style of writing.Quite simply - Whodunits.You must read on to the end to discover who committed the crime.Authors, today, are continually reinventing the mystery.Adding various slants to add more depth and suspense to their novels.Well known author Susan R.Sloan wrote an in depth mystery "Isolated Incident".The slant is the psychology of her characters.None of which are particularly likable people.Read more about Isolated Incident on my blog.You might just want to read on!
How to Bounce Back From Difficult Situations and Thrive
How does one bounce back from difficult situations? Few of us live a lifetime without tragedy striking.Someone unexpectedly loses their job, the doctor diagnoses a chronic disease, or our child veers into self-destructive behavior.The initial message might feel like a blow to our sense of security.As the world seems to spin out of control, how do we come to terms with our new reality?Lorna.Meeting Lorna gave me some clues.I was standing behind Lorna in a very long line waiting to see Bill Cosby at a local church.Lorna was a thin African-American lady in her mid fifties.Her conversation was punctuated by hardy laughter.I was drawn to her immediately.As the usher directed us to our pew, we sat next to each other.After a few minutes of small talk, I asked Lorna, "What do you do for a living?"I conduct anger management presentations for middle school and high school kids." My ears perked up.We had similar interests."Really?" I'm also a teacher, and I'm interested in doing workshops and speaking.How did you get started?" I asked.Lorna pulled out an 8"x 10" picture of two young men from her tote bag.She spoke slowly as she pointed."This is my son, J.J.And this is my son Edward." Their confident smiles mirrored their mothers', I thought."Handsome guys," I said.Lorna's voice cracked as her two long fingers stroked the picture.She touched J.J.First."Three years ago J.J was killed in a drive by shooting.So far his killer hasn't been caught.Then three months later Edward was shot and killed in a car jacking." We sat silent for a long time.Our eyes weld with tears as we sat looking at each other.Wow, I thought.I have a twenty-two year old and an eighteen year old son.I could not imagine life without them.Softly, I asked, "Lorna, how did you deal with back to back tragedies without losing your mind?"."Well baby I came awful close.At first, I was just numb.How could both boys be gone? I had raised them alone.We were very close.At one point, I fantasized about getting even.But that didn't ease the pain.Meditating day and night about my boys almost sapped the life out of me.I knew I had to do something.I joined a support group for parents who have lost their children.After some time, I realized I was not alone.I felt supported and understood.I know I will never be the same again.But I realized I needed to do something positive to offset this loss.Where I live, you hear gunshots almost everyday.The youngsters in my neighborhood are so angry.So, I decided to do something about the root of all this violence--anger.I started a foundation to teach youngsters how to deal with anger in a constructive way.".Lorna touched my hand."Helping these bitter teens was the only way I could find some peace.I've probably spoken to hundreds of them.Surprisingly, these kids have tragic stories to tell of their own.Some are in foster homes, others are physically abused, abandoned by relatives, you name it.Broken hearted kids who don't know how to manage their anger can do terrible things--like kill.I find this to be a pattern.".By looking at Lorna's story, we can learn how to be emotionally resilient when tragedy strikes.There are four key elements.Time.Adjusting to a new reality takes time.Change is difficult even if it's beneficial.It's even more stressful when it's traumatic.Refrain from believing unrealistic expectations such as, "I need to be strong and carry on." Respect your own personal healing time.As you're healing ask for help.Can someone go to the cleaners for you, babysit your children or clean your house? Friends and family are eager to help but oftentimes don't know how to help.Display self compassion by being realistic about your hurt and pain as you slowly transition back into the routine of life.Find Support.When difficulty strikes, many of us find it easier to retreat rather than lean on our relationships.However, confiding our feelings to a few trusted friends help the healing process.Excessive emotional burdens lighten when we have compassionate ears to listen to our pain.Find a support group dealing with your issue.Only other parents of murdered children could really empathize with Lorna's difficult losses.At such meetings, members share tips which help others cope with specific issues surrounding this type of tragedy.If grief is overwhelming, however, consider locating a therapist who specializes in grief counseling.A specialized counselor can help you get unstuck, and support your healing process.Forgiveness. Key to Healing.One of the most difficult exercises is forgiving an offender, and sometimes even oneself.It is a process without time constraints.It is an arduous process, but vital to the quality of our lives.I remember a preacher saying, " bitterness is a poison we drink, hoping the offender will die!".Scientists have documented countless times the lethal nature of unforgiveness.Auto immune diseases, such as Lupus, cancer, hypertension and depression are linked to anger and unresolved issues of unforgiveness.So, what is forgiveness? It is letting go of judgment we might feel towards the offender, the situation or ourselves.Nursing hatred only tortures us.We oftentimes become obsessed with our loss and with retaliation for it.What a difficult way to live!To forgive however does not mean to condone inappropriate behavior.Nor does it mean subjecting oneself to ill treatment.When appropriate, it seeks justice.For example, a wife might have to separate from a physically abusive husband; she might have to get a restraining order, and demand he seeks treatment for a specified time before she even considers reconciliation with him.Hurtful behavior patterns can be forgiven but not tolerated.Moreover, we sometimes blame ourselves for difficult situations.Blaming yourself is counterproductive even if you played a role your difficulty.Instead, learn the lesson inherent in the situation.How can you correct your behavior and attitude to avert the tragic event in the future? Learning lessons help prevent future problems.Forgive yourself but be an astute student of life.Contribute to Others.As Lorna began to heal, she realized that her neighborhood was riddled with gang violence.She stated,"After my boys were killed, all of a sudden I woke up! No longer was I numb to the helicopters hovering over our houses at night, or the rounds of gunfire popping at anytime of day, or the angry faces of the neighborhood youngsters.I knew I had to do something so other parents would not have to experience the pain I felt.".Positive action helps shift our focus to the big picture.Lorna used her personal tragedy to help hundreds of children learn about anger management.Can meaning come out of tragedy? You bet.These four practices will help restore peace in the middle of any personal storm.What can you do to help yourself bounce back from tragedy? By being patient with yourself and respecting your healing process, by finding practical and emotional support, and by submitting yourself to the practice of forgiveness, your recovery is assured.Most importantly, helping others through similar tragedies will give your personal struggles meaning and purpose.We cannot determine what happens to us in life, but we can decide what we'll do in response to it.Choose to thrive in the midst of difficulties.
How to Handle Noisy Neighbors & Their Barking Dogs
I have a formula for silencing noisy neighbors that works almost every time.I say almost every time because there are usual circumstances that make it very difficult to solve the problem.In most cases, however, it's rather easy.This method also works well for getting your neighbors to take action to quiet their barking dogs.When it comes to dogs, many cases are easily handled, while others are more difficult.Some are impossible.There is nothing more infuriating than to constantly have noise created by your neighbor or their dog(s) invade your home.It completely ruins a person's ability to listen to music, watch a movie, read a book, meditate, study for a class, work on a speech, take a nap, and countless other things.If you are reading this because you are experiencing a noise problem right now, you know exactly what I am talking about.I am not going to bore you with all my stories about noisy neighbors and their barking dogs.Just let me assure you that I've experienced just about every noise problem that you can imagine.If there is any one area that I might be considered a guru it would be this one because of the incredible number of unbelievable noise problems that I've dealt with.I've tried every method I could find to deal with my noisy neighbors or their barking dogs.I am going to pass along to you the most successful techniques I've discovered or developed on my own.Here they are.Inform Your Neighbor about the Noise Problem Anonymously.I can't over emphasis the importance of remaining anonymous.There's always a natural tendency to want to "do the right thing" and talk to your neighbor in person.Unless you are close friends or it's a very small issue I would strongly advise against it and here's why.When a neighbor knows that it's you who is complaining about a noise problem it becomes a personal matter.This is especially true when the problem isn't solved to your satisfaction and you are forced to talk with them again in order to get the noise problem fixed.If that doesn't work you'll need to go even further and contact the authorities.Then things get really personal!Another benefit to remaining anonymous is that your neighbor will not know if one person is complaining or the entire neighborhood -- if you write your letter carefully.I'll talk more about how to write letters later.They also will not know if it's the little old lady in the house to the right of them or the heavyweight mixed martial arts champion on the other side.If you do have to escalate things by calling the police or other authorities, whom you can remain anonymous with as well, your noisy neighbor won't have anywhere to direct their retaliation.Their only recourse will be to comply or move.The biggest advantage to remaining anonymous is the peace of mind that it will give you in knowing that you will not have to deal with angry looks, stares, or confrontations.You also won't destroy the possibility of having a positive relationship with them in the future.There are rare situations where remaining anonymous is impossible.For example, if you live in a duplex on an isolated piece of property your neighbor will know where any complaints came from.Even so, I would still advise against direct contact unless you have a close relationship.I have tried it both ways in dealing with noisy neighbors and their barking dogs.Direct face-to-face contact rarely worked and it usually got personal, whereas anonymous communication with a letter or other means has proven to be the most successful.Methods for Communicating & Solving the Noise Problem.There are five ways to communicate and solve a noise problem. (1) write a letter, (2) contact the property or association management, (3) contact your city's noise abatement or animal control department (if available), (4) contact the police, and/or (5) file a claim with small claims court.You should start with the least aggressive action and only advance to the next level if necessary.In other words, don't use a double barreled shotgun when you can get the job done with a peashooter.Your goal is to solve the problem in the easiest way possible.Writing a letter is the best and most effective method.A letter gives you full control, the ability to describe the problem in your own way, and as much time as you need to devise your communication in a tactful manner.A face-to-face confrontation doesn't allow these opportunities.I'll give you some dos and don'ts on writing the letter later.The alternative to a letter is to contact your property or association management by phone or in writing.I would tell them up front that you wish to remain anonymous.There are two advantages to sending a letter to management. (1) it creates a record and (2) letters tend to get more attention.I'd suggest that you start with a phone call.If you don't get any response, send them a letter.Many cities have a noise abatement and/or animal control department.The individuals who staff these departments have heard it all, so they can be very helpful.They can provide you with suggestions on how to deal with your noisy neighbors or their barking dogs.They will usually contact your neighbor in writing.Animal control officers will typically send a letter and then follow up with an in person visit to counsel your neighbor on ways to control the barking.The disadvantage here is that the process can take a considerable amount of time because they must follow a strict set of guidelines and they usually have limited resources.I've been amazed at how easily some barking problems can be fixed.I had a neighbor who put her German Sheppard on her front porch every afternoon.Because this breed is territorial, it barked at every person and car that passed by all afternoon.After I wrote her an anonymous letter about the problem, she stopped putting the dog on her front porch and I never heard it bark again.If none of your letters or other efforts has worked or the noise is so ridiculously loud that immediate action is necessary, call the police.And call them repeatedly if the noise continues.The police will ask you for your name.Just tell them that you wish to remain anonymous.I've always been pleasantly surprised at how understanding and supportive the officers that I spoke to were.If your neighbor still doesn't stop the noise after repeated visits by the police, they may ask you to declare a citizens arrest.This empowers the officers to take further action, but it really complicates things.Once you do this your neighbor will, of course, become aware that the complaints are coming from you.I'd recommend that you only do this as a last resort.By just sending a letter advising your neighbor that you intend to file a claim in small claims court may do the trick.Tell them in the letter that you will be filing the claim on X date if the problem isn't fixed.Be sure to select a date out in the future that will give them enough time to take action and think about it.State your intent in a factual manner.Do not use threatening undertones.I had a noisy neighbor that I tried everything on to get her to keep her music down.When I sent a letter informing her that I was going to file a claim in small claims court, she let me know through a third party that she was going to move.I was delighted, as you can imagine.If after you've tried every means possible and the noise problem still hasn't improved, you might go ahead and file a claim.It doesn't cost much to file, the court proceedings are informal, and you may win a cash settlement.Collecting it can be tricky, however.Nevertheless, wining the case may persuade your neighbor to take action to fix the noise problem or move!Sometimes it takes considerable effort to silence noisy neighbors.But once you're successful, your appreciation of the quiet will have grown 10 fold.Find the Noise Ordinances (Codes/Laws) for Your City.You'll feel a lot better once you find that there are many laws supporting you in your quest for peace and quiet.You can find these by visiting your city's website.Look under headings like "City Services" and "City Departments." Then look for links to "Municipal Codes," "City Ordinates," "Noise Abatement," and "Animal Control." Or just try a search from the home page with these keywords. noise, noise complaint, barking dog, or loud music.These ordinances may also provide you with information on which departments and agencies handle noisy neighbors or their barking dogs in your city.They may even include phone numbers, FAQ's, and how-to guides.I'd recommend that you make a few copies of the ordinances that specifically addresses the noise problem that you are having.A copy of this ordinance will not only be useful for future reference, but it will strengthen any letters you write if you include it as an attachment.Once you arm yourself with this information, you can proceed with a lot more confidence and assurance that the problems with your noisy neighbors can and will be solved.Write a Letter & Clearly Explain the Problem & How to Fix It.As I mentioned before, writing a letter is the best way to solve a problem with noisy neighbors.Whether a letter fixes the problem, avoids a war, and keeps you anonymous is dependent on how carefully you write it.Although it may be hard to imagine, sometimes there are neighbors who are simply unaware that the noise they or their dogs are creating is bothering anyone.In these cases, the problem can often be easily fixed with a carefully worded letter.With other neighbors, it may take a second or third letter.Here are some letter writing dos and don'ts.Dos Include the date.Include the noisy neighbor's name and/or address.Use a generic return address e.G.Sleepless Silent Valley Neighbors.Reference the problem on the envelop e.G.Party Hardy Neighbors.Reference the problem in the letter greeting e.G.Barking Dog Owner.Clearly explain the problem.Describe how it is affecting your life.Suggest a solution.Ask for their help and cooperation.Be as concise as possible.Be firm but polite.Be neighborly.Be respectful.Be humorous where appropriate.Use first person plural pronoun "we.".Thank them in advance.Attach a copy of your city's noisy neighbors ordinance.Don'ts Don't use threats.Don't use profanity.Don't use the words "noisy neighbors.".Don't use first person singular pronoun "I".Don't include your name.Don't include your address.Don't include your phone number.Don't reference other people by name or location.Don't include your return address on the envelop.Don't sign the letter.Many of the above suggestions align with the anonymous approach, which I highly recommend.If your situation doesn't allow you to follow this approach, include as little personal information as possible.I would also suggest that you do not sign the letter.Signing it makes it a legal document.You don't want to give your noisy neighbors anything that might help them file a complaint against you.Although it's rare, you may come across a neighbor who will take some sort of groundless action against you out of spite.Don't worry about this.The authorities can see these actions for what they are right a way.Do to Them as They Have Done to You.The desire to turn up your stereo or television 10 times louder than your neighbor's, so that they know what it's like, is normal.Revenge can be sweet, but it can also back fire.You may rationalize that if they could hear it as I do they would stop.It took me awhile to realize several issues in this regard.(1) Although it's rare, some people are not sensitive to noise.(2) Some people are hard of hearing.(3) Some people are so self centered that they are oblivious to how their activities may be disturbing others.Turning up the volume on your stereo or television so that your neighbor gets the "hint" works sometimes.Here are two things that you need to consider.(1) If they do not comply and turn down the volume, they will know the source of any future complaints.(2) Your actions could make matters worst and provoke your neighbor into turning the volume up even higher!Whether you try this approach or not is a judgment call based on how you think your noisy neighbor might respond.It you suspect that there could be any kind of negative response, I advise against this action.Although I have to admit that I've tried this approach with various degrees of aggressiveness, I am not proud it.It worked a couple of times, but usually it just aggravated the situation.I feel that it's better to treat your neighbors in the same manner in which you want them to treat you.Unfortunately, there are individuals in the world who are not receptive to positive vibes.There is nothing more aggravating than having to deal with noisy neighbors or their barking dogs.This is especially true when you've discovered the problem soon after you moved into your new home.If you are dealing with this issue right now, let me assure you that the laws, police, and other agencies are on your side.I hope that this information is helpful in solving or improving your noise problem.
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